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A Bad Night of Television Posting Date: Feb 23 2009 12:10AM I wanted to watch TV tonight but mom said it was her night with the television because Oscar was on and I said, “But that’s stupid, mom. You don’t even watch Sesame Street,” and she said that it wasn’t Oscar the Grouch but some other kind of Oscar that I didn’t understand but it sounded really boring like having lunch with relatives from out of town.
So because we only have the one television set, not like the Hampsons at the corner who have like seven hundred televisions because Dr. Hampson is a doctor who’s an allergist which means he makes a lot of money because people are always itchy and he drives a Lincoln, I had to watch Oscar with my mom which I thought sounded like pretty much the least fun you could have with a television involved and I gotta say, as it turns out, I was right.
First off, Oscar isn’t a guy at all, he’s a trophy. I have a trophy. I got it for T-ball. I don’t see what the big deal is. My trophy is better than this Oscar trophy which is basically a nude bald guy with no wiener. If I was a trophy, I would definitely want a wiener. There’s a baseball player on the top of my trophy and he’s wearing pants and everything so you can’t tell for sure, but I would seriously bet two dollars that my trophy baseball player has a wiener. I would also bet it’s a big one.
That makes my trophy way better than this Oscar trophy. Plus, my trophy guy has hair, so I don’t see what the big deal is about Oscar.
Mom explained to me that Oscar isn’t for baseball or swimming or skating or basketball. It’s for movies. Apparently, these trophies go to people who make the best movies of the year. Mom said all the best movies and actors and stuff are nominated. I didn’t know that word so she had to explain that there’s like two stages to winning and that being nominated is like making the playoffs in hockey, so I guess that makes sense.
So I asked which movies had made the playoffs because I like movies and maybe one of the movies I liked was in the playoffs so that would mean I should probably watch and cheer on my movie. Mom told me the names of the movies and this is what they were if I remember correctly. There was Taxi Driver which doesn’t really sound like a movie to me. There was Network, so I said to mom, “Like the Children’s Television Network?” And she said, “Sort of.” There was Bound for Glory which didn’t make any sense. There was All the President’s Men which made me ask, “How many?” but mom didn’t know. And there was Rocky which I thought was pretty interesting because I never really liked that cartoon because the talking squirrel has an irritating voice and Boris is way too short for Natasha, but mom said it wasn’t that Rocky, it was a different Rocky that was about boxing and boxing is a sport so that was my favourite movie in the playoffs.
Now I don’t know who picked those movies to be in the playoffs, but whoever did it is obviously a complete boner because none of the really good movies were in there like The Apple Dumpling Gang or The Rescuers or Escape to Witch Mountain. Just goes to show you that the people who pick the playoff movies aren’t that smart so maybe they shouldn’t get a television show of their own. That’s all I’m saying.
I told mom the whole thing was pretty stupid, but then she surprised me by saying that she didn’t watch it so much for the playoffs and the trophies, but to see what people were wearing, so I was totally confused. What kind of playoffs have things set up so that your clothes are more important than anything else and the trophies have no wieners?
I can wait until we get a second TV. |
